I was around 19 years old when I woke up with the most excruciating pain in my head. I was in my house, where I lived with four other girls, close to our college campus. I immediately called my mom for help. I thought I was dying. She contemplated dropping the phone and driving several hours to come get me, but about 30 minutes later, the worst of the pain was over. It was my first experience with migraines. I’m now in my 39th year, and I wish I could say the healing has come.
And behold, a woman who had suffered from a flow of blood for 12 years came up behind Him and touched the fringe of His garment. For she kept saying to herself, “If I only touch His garment, I shall be restored to health.” Jesus turned around and, seeing her, He said, Take courage, daughter! Your faith has made you well. And at once the woman was restored to health. (Matthew 9:20-22)
I can’t count the number of times I have read this story, prayed this story, and imagined myself as the woman reaching out just to grab hold of the garment of Jesus. I’ve spent many nights in a fetal position, wrought with pain, imagining myself receiving this kind of healing. But the migraines keep coming.
I’ve been to many services and been prayed over time and time again only to leave and find myself suffering the very next day. I know healing works. I have actually been healed of Meniere's disease, arthritis, and hypothyroidism. And with each of those times I was sure the headaches would be gone. The highs of the other healings quickly faded when the aura from the blood vessels in my forehead told me what was coming. The pain.
I’ve prayed for understanding—maybe I could deal with the pain if there was a reason for my suffering. Maybe I don’t know how to properly receive grace. Maybe my faith is not strong enough. The echoes of doubt cloud my view of the death and resurrection of Jesus.
In the last several years, I think I’ve been hearing an answer. The story and life of Jesus Himself has changed me and restored an intended perspective that has been missing all these years.
The above passage was written during Jesus’s time on earth. Before He died and conquered death. Before He lived in the hearts of His people. You see, everything we read up until His death has to be read differently. This woman had to reach out to get to Jesus. We now have the power to reach in. We are closer than she ever was to Jesus. We don’t have to wait for Jesus to come to town. We have to look inside and believe He is in there.
I’ve been reaching out, imagining myself touching Him as He walks by me. I’ve been reaching the wrong way. I’ve been in disbelief that He did what He said He would do: bring heaven down to live on the inside of me. I’ve given into the idea that I will spend years of struggling to get to Jesus. That I have to do more, when I only have to believe it is done for me. My breakthrough came when He walked out of the tomb. The power to live came to me when He left His Holy Spirit, the helper, to be with me always.
Even though I know this, I don’t think my mind has fully lined up with this truth. I think it takes practice. Any time a doubt of disbelief comes, I don’t argue anymore. I don’t try to convince God of anything. I just thank Him. I thank Him that the work was done already. I thank Him that my breakthrough happened when He walked out of the grave. I thank Him that my mind and heart are lining up with this truth. Sometimes I have to say thanks over and over all day long to ignite the new creation that I am.
Here are some perspective changes to consider for yourself…
1. What areas of your life do you feel like you are waiting on God?
2. Have you accepted the truth that once you believe Jesus died and rose again, God is on the inside of you?
3. If God is always with you, and you believe this to be true, how does this change your perspective on waiting on God?
4. How can you practice this perspective change on a daily basis?
About Kelli Sommers
Kelli Sommers comes from a long line of storytellers and comedians. Through her stories she hopes to inspire others to know how much God loves them.
Kelli is married to a complete opposite who loves to watch her fly. She has 4 beautiful kids and serving her family is one of her greatest joys in life, but bedtime is one of her favorite times of day.
Kelli loves to read the word and that’s the only book she has time for right now. If she is not at home picking up messes, you will find her out with a friend, having a long talk and some good food (probably tacos). She is passionate about unifying women. We are better together. You can find her on her blog and instagram.