I plopped down in my chair in the sanctuary, bad attitude in check. While I was excited to get my worship on and have some teaching time with my friends, the events of the past month had my panties in a wad. I felt hurt, annoyed and angry. People and situations in my life had pushed my buttons and I was thoroughly enjoying my pity party. I enjoyed it so much, I was considering sending out invitations. Ya know, ‘cause I’m mature like that. I even added God to the mental invite list in my head. Then worship began.
I immediately broke down. What is this? Why so many big feelings? Where was all this coming from? What was the root of all this yuck and WHY? Then the word came: unseen. I was feeling unseen. Based on the month I had just had, friends and marriage and ministry and parenting felt like they were requiring all of me all the time. But what about me? What about my needs? What about the dreams in my heart? Then the Lord gently reminded me of a precious fact. Every single time we have spent time together over the last 5 years, He has begun our time with this: "Amy, I see you. I know you. You are mine."
I. See. You.
By now, I am crying so hard that I could hardly breathe. The Lord has been meeting a need the past 5 years that I didn't even know I had! He DOES know me. He DOES see me. He DOES understand my needs before I even know they are a need!!! In that moment, I was so overwhelmed with the love of the Father. Deuteronomy 31:8 says:
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
That morning as I sat down in that cushy seat, I was discouraged. And afraid. Discouraged that I had been overlooked yet again. Afraid that the vision the Lord had given me years ago was simply a pipe dream that would dangle in front of me forever like a proverbial carrot, visible but just out of reach. But while my feelings on the matter would come and go, His promise remains. It was the expectations I had attached to the promise that were the problem. He had not left me nor forsaken me. He was working out all things in His perfect timing. And in the process, the Lord was working some ugly things out of me.
In that moment, I felt Him ask me if He was enough. If the dream died and the vision faded, would He still be enough for me? If my needs weren’t met and my longings never fulfilled, could I still love Him with my whole heart? Was it Him I wanted or was it the blessings that come with being His daughter? Was His death on the cross for me enough? I was broken as I realized that in the places I thought I was building an altar, in reality, I had built an idol. Now all must be stripped away until only He remains. Just me and Jesus.
Sister, He sees you. Not just knows who you are, but HE KNOWS you. He knows the hurts and desires and pondering of your heart. He wants what's best for you, even when we might want to disagree with Him on His definition of "best." Most of the time, we believe the best solution is the most painless solution. But pain can be so productive if we let it. The path of least resistance is rarely the best way to anywhere.
If you are struggling today with a dream unfulfilled or a need yet to be met, please hear me. He knows. He really knows. Deeply, intimately, He knows you. He knows the plans that He has for you and they are good. The question then becomes: do you believe Him? Is He enough? Are you willing to let go of your plans and expectations? Will you lay down ALL of your hopes and dreams at the feet of Jesus in order to take His hand and go where He leads?
About Amy Patton
Amy Patton is a regular contributor for the blog. She is a business owner, mom of two, wife to JP and lover of Jesus. She has walked a journey of addiction and recovery for over 10 years and is passionate about helping others find healing, restoration and freedom in Christ. She has also been known to rock an adult onesie in public. Check out and give lots of love on her site www.liverightlovewell.com.