I am no stranger to disappointment. So much so that I tend not to get too excited about any one thing. My initial response, even if not expressed, was "we’ll see." What is disappointment really? By definition, disappointment is the state of being sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations. The origin is the Old French word Desappointer, which means to deprive of an office or position. Wow! Well, that certainly speaks to the heart of my issue.
When I look back at my disappointments, it is usually because I did not get to call the shots. The story I told myself and perhaps others was far more exciting and interesting than how it actually played out. Maybe it took much longer and was much harder; maybe it was a bit more humiliating and humbling than I would have imagined if it even came about at all. But now I see it. I was deprived of my position of playing the god of my own destiny.
But what can be devastating is when you have convinced yourself that your plans were God’s and you have the faith of Abraham on your side. You just know God is going to bring about that hope, dream or desire hand delivered, wrapped in a shiny white bow and served on a silver platter. You will squeal with excitement and marvel at how everything happened just exactly the way you expected. Not only does it not happen the way you imagined, but everything you thought it would be burns down around you and only the tears gushing out of your eyes can put out the flames. Been there? It shake your faith and messes with your head a bit, huh?
Hello God! Weren’t You listening? We had a deal and You didn’t keep up Your end. I remember one time in particular where I was standing on a word I felt completely confident the Lord Himself had given me. I just knew things were going to happen just as God had shown me and I had made major plans to prepare for the delivery. We were so ready for God to confirm His word that day when the lady rubbed my belly down with the sono gel. When we saw our little guy pop up on the screen bouncing around, we were delighted. But everything became silent when she announced our perfect little man was actually a beautiful little lady. It all seems ridiculous now, but I was crushed. Not because I wasn’t happy to have a healthy baby girl but because I was convinced God told me otherwise. I was incredibly disappointed and it caused me to question everything.
I am not the author of my story, God is. Thinking back on most of my disappointments, I can honestly say I see clearly why God didn’t do things my way. If I never would of had that baby girl…I can’t even finish that thought without my eyes filling with tears. She is the joy of my heart! God knew. He knew I would end up with three boys and that I would need her in my life. I could not be more grateful for the disappointment of not getting my way.
It takes a huge amount of faith to stand in the moment of your disappointment and be grateful, but if there is anything I have learned it’s this: soon our faith will be sight and our understanding will be opened to God’s mysterious ways. He really does know our hopes, dreams and desires better than we do, but He also knows what we need beyond our own understanding. Let Him be God.
Song: You Have Control by Rita Springer
About Teresa Lickliter
Teresa and her husband, Jason, live in the DFW area and have four kids. Teresa is a wife, mom, and is the head teacher at Warrior Academy (where she homeschools her children). She also lives to "make all things pretty" whether it's through makeup, interior decorating or graphic design. She has a heart for worshipping the Lord and is on the worship team at her local church. Her passion is to see people come to a full understanding of their value and purpose in Christ.